


Bucky's Rainy Day

by girlwithaplan



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, Pining, Protective Steve Rogers, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 11:44:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5162657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlwithaplan/pseuds/girlwithaplan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is recovering from his Winter Soldier days and feeling out his relationship with Steve. He wants nothing more than to hang on to Steve and never let go, and, unbeknownst to him, Steve is completely fine with that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bucky's Rainy Day

_Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop._

Bucky watches the rainfall down an immaculately clean window with a loud sigh. He's at the Tower today because Steve's training and he's supposed to be training too, but he couldn't manage it. Sometimes hitting Steve, even in a safe environment meant for sparring, is still too much. 

(He doesn't tell Steve this, of course. He makes an excuse about it not being a good day, that he's tired. Which isn't untrue, it's just not the real issue.)

He and Steve are more or less together now. They've kissed a few times and Steve's cautiously affectionate which equal parts pleases and frustrates Bucky. He gets why Steve does it, but he doesn't want him to feel like he needs to be so careful. 

Bucky wishes that anytime Steve came home, that he could meet him at the door. No matter if he's been gone for an hour or a weekend, Bucky wants to kiss him, hug him, and hold his hand while he talks about what he's been up to while he was gone. In truth, Bucky knows he's capable. He absolutely could do it and he's pretty positive Steve would let him. His skin practically buzzes at the thought. Normally he stops these daydreams there and puts them to rest. 

He knows Steve cares about him, but Bucky still doesn't quite know how to ask for what he wants. Doesn't have the words to say, "I feel lonely, come sit in the room with me so I know you're here." or "Do you mind if I snuggle up in your lap while we watch this movie?" And, _holy crap_ , where did that come from? 

Rain continues to drizzle down outside and Bucky gets up to find a blanket and wrap himself in it, the closest he's getting to a hug today, he thinks. Wouldn't it be nice, though, if Steve were sitting here with him? If Bucky could finally voice his needs, he'd say something like,  _Come up here and sit with me, punk. I love you. I never want you to leave again. Ever._ But there's a part of him that still feels unworthy. Still feels prickly and nervous and like Steve deserves better than Bucky's messed up mind. 

Imagining Steve's arms around him, Steve's soft lips kissing his hair, Steve's soothing voice talking to him about _anything_ as long as it's Steve talking to him, makes tears well up in his eyes. And for once, he just lets them fall, unhindered.

He's unsure of how much time passes while he sits, back against the wall, staring out the window. Eventually, his tears turn into sobs and he allows himself to go with it. Bucky's too lonely and exhausted and needy to care in the moment about how he looks. All he cares about is the Steve-shaped hole in his heart and the deep ache that comes with longing for warmth and not knowing when (if ever) he'll get it.

He also forgets that he's not in their Brooklyn apartment, he's in Avengers Tower and the Tower has Jarvis. So when Bucky dissolves into heartbreaking sobs, Jarvis informs Steve that Bucky is, "In perfect physical health, Captain, but he seems to be experiencing an emotional outburst that's been going on for quite some time." Steve immediately goes into the locker room to rinse off as fast as he can, despite Natasha's protests that she isn't done with him yet. 

"How long, Jarvis?" Steve asks, drying himself off and dressing like he's late for something monumental. "It's been nearly an hour." "An hour?!" Steve shouts, his voice echoing off the tile. "My apologies, sir, but Sergeant Barnes' emotions are often here and then gone, so I didn't concern you until it looked serious." 

Steve's in the elevator before he says, "It's fine, Jarvis. I understand. Do you know why he's upset?" Jarvis replies as the doors open, "Only that he wants you. For what, I'm not sure. He was hard to understand." Steve walks into the living room, mind racing, and stops to remind himself to breathe deeply. In and out. In and out. And then searches for Bucky. 

It only takes a second since Bucky is, incidentally, in Steve's room backed up against the wall, staring to his left out the floor-to-ceiling window and his breath is catching pitifully, the way it does after a long cry. Cautiously, Steve approaches and sits down too, keeping some distance between them. Bucky doesn't flinch; he heard Steve coming. 

Bucky Barnes turns to the unwitting source of his heartache and looks. He stares at Steve Rogers' beautiful face, his long lashes and blonde hair and ridiculous blue eyes and worried brow. Steve catches him looking and looks back, eyes full of concern. "Something wrong, Buck?" he whispers, though the answer is obviously yes. Bucky contemplates not answering, but his heart feels so raw that he can't deny himself any longer. 

"I was just wishin' you were up here with me," he admits quietly. "I'm here now," Steve says, matching Bucky's tone, "Is there anything I can do? Name it and it's done." Bucky can feel his lower lip wobbling and more tears threatening to spill. Steve must see it because he scoots closer to Bucky. Their thighs are almost touching and that, coupled with the heat Steve always gives off, is enough to drive Bucky to finally say what he's wanted to for a while now.

"Would you, umm," he stumbles over his wording and goes with a question rather than a demand, "would you maybe want to…cuddle?” This is clearly not what Steve is expecting because his eyebrows shoot up into his bangs, "Bucky do you want me to," he grasps for the right word, unbelief in his voice, "hold you?" 

"Only if you want to," is Bucky's simple reply, but he's crying again. Ashamed, he turns back to look out the window. It takes Steve a second to process, but when it clicks, he slowly puts an arm around Bucky's trembling shoulders. "Oh baby," Steve says, squeezing a little, but it's not enough. It's  _amazing_ , but it's not enough.  

Bucky starts to sob and turns, throwing his arms around Steve's neck. He's twisting to get as much contact as he can and it looks uncomfortable. So Steve gets with the program and pulls Bucky into his lap. Almost instantly, Bucky puts his legs around Steve's hips, straddling him so he can press as much of himself into as much of Steve as possible. He can't help shaking because it feels  _so much better_  than he even imagined. 

And Steve holds him; wraps both arms around him, probably a little too hard, but Bucky wants it, asked for it for goodness' sake. Eventually, when Bucky's sobs have died back down into those little hitched breaths, Steve soothes him, "It's okay, Buck. I got you." Bucky clings tighter when Steve starts talking, hungry for that as well.

"I love you," Steve says with conviction, stroking Bucky’s hair, "I love you more than anyone in the entire world." And when Bucky's able to, he sits back, looks at Steve with puffy, bloodshot eyes and gasps, "I love you so much. So much, Stevie." Steve smiles at him tenderly, eyes misty, and runs a thumb along Bucky's cheekbones. 

They gaze at each other for a few minutes before Steve asks, "Will you be okay if I get up? I promise I'll be back in two seconds." Bucky snorts, "'I'll survive," and when Steve does get up he adds, "but not for long." Steve returns with a glass of water and a washcloth. The water he hands to Bucky, who gulps it down in one go. He sinks back down onto his knees and ever so gently starts to clean Bucky's face; Steve wipes the tear tracks from one cheek and presses a kiss there when he's done, does the same for his nose, chin, other cheek, and forehead. 

Finally, he gets to Bucky's chapped lips and that's a  _kiss_. Bucky's high on it, awash in the care and attention paid to him with Steve's perfect mouth. He kisses Steve back and can't help smiling into it; the feeling of relief is nearly euphoric. Bucky pulls away to catch his breath, still smiling like an idiot. Steve takes both of Bucky's hands in his and laces their fingers, not giving a single thought to the fact that one's flesh and one isn't.

"Buck, can we talk for a minute?" he asks. Bucky's smile drops slightly but he nods, figures owes Steve that much at least. "Bucky, I want you to know that you could've asked for this anytime and I would've done it in a heartbeat." Bucky nods, dropping his eyes to his lap and flushing a little with embarrassment. "How long have you wanted it?" Bucky mumbles without looking up, "Couple of months." He expects Steve to be annoyed, but he doesn't sound annoyed when he whispers, "Hey, baby, look at me." 

Reluctantly, Bucky does and he sees no irritation or anger but he does see pure, unadulterated love. "Bucky," Steve says, "You can have whatever you need from me. Anytime, anywhere, I mean it. You don't even have to ask." Bucky believes him, chuckling when Steve adds, "I'll sit here on the floor with you forever if that's what makes you happy." 

Bucky surges forward and captures Steve's lips, just to feel it again. "I'm sorry it took me so long. I just couldn't find the words." Steve's about to protest the apology when Bucky promises, "That goes both ways, pal. I know you want to touch me more than I've let you, but I want you to know that I always want you too, even if I'm acting like an idiot." 

Steve grins and embraces him again. It's less urgent, softer, but Bucky's pretty sure it's the best hug he has ever had or will ever have. The knowledge that he gets to have them as often as he wants fills him up; his joy feels like it could bubble over at any moment. 

He kisses Steve's jaw and asks, "How about we move this to the couch?" Steve hums, "Watcha got in mind?" Bucky noses along Steve's cheek, feeling like he could die from how good Steve smells. "Want to make out? I want to see how long a hickey will last on ya." Steve shivers and replies, breathless already, "Sounds like a plan."  


End file.
